So you’ve heard meditation can change your life – less stress, better sleep, sharper focus – but when you actually sit down and try it, you start wondering if you’re doing it wrong.
Your mind wanders almost immediately. You start wondering whether you should be breathing differently, sitting differently, trying harder to concentrate, or somehow stopping thoughts from appearing in the first place.
It’s a trap most of us fall into when we first learn how to meditate properly, but the good news is that there really isn’t much to get right, and I can pretty much guarantee you’re overthinking it…
In a nutshell, meditation is just about choosing something to pay attention to, noticing when your attention wanders somewhere else, and then bringing it back, without judgement or frustration.
What you choose to pay attention to doesn’t even really matter as much as you’d think. It could be your breathing, sounds around you, sensations in your body, a mantra, the feeling of your feet as you walk, or even the voice guiding you through a guided meditation. Your eyes can be open or closed, you can sit on the floor or in a chair, and you definitely don’t need complete silence. There are plenty of types of meditation, but they all lead in the same direction – toward a calmer, more conscious way of living.
It took me a while to stop worrying quite so much about the details, and when I first started, I obsessed over the ‘perfect’ posture, the ‘proper’ way to breathe, and whether I’d ever get to the point where I’d become ‘good’ enough at meditating to stop getting constantly distracted. Looking back, I realise I was so busy trying to get everything ‘right’ that I was actually missing the whole point of the practice in the first place.
So with that in mind, the rest of this guide is really about stripping meditation back to what actually matters, clearing up some of the things you don’t need to worry about, and helping you find a style of practice that feels natural for you.
Contents
- What Actually Matters When You Meditate
- How to Meditate – The Steps That Really Matter
- What’s Actually Happening When You Meditate
- The Main Types of Meditation (and Which Might Suit You)
- So, Which Type of Meditation Should You Try?
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Final Thoughts
What Actually Matters When You Meditate
This is where meditation can get a bit… muddled.
Over the years it’s picked up all sorts of little rules and traditions that can make the whole thing seem more complicated than it really is. Sitting cross-legged, keeping your back perfectly straight, closing your eyes, breathing slowly, finding complete silence… none of these are necessarily wrong or unhelpful, but they’re not essential either.
If you’re more comfortable in a chair, sit in a chair. If closing your eyes makes you sleepy or uncomfortable, leave them slightly open. If focusing on your breathing makes you overly conscious of every inhale and exhale, use something else as your anchor instead, like sounds around you, sensations in your body or a mantra. And if your house is never completely quiet, you don’t have to wait until it is before you can meditate.
I think this is where a lot of the common meditation mistakes come from. We take things that can be useful and accidentally turn them into rules, then spend half the session worrying because we’re not following them ‘properly’.
Strip all of that away and there are really only a few things that matter: you’re paying attention to something, you’re aware enough to notice when your mind has wandered, and you keep coming back without giving yourself a hard time about it. Everything else around that can be adapted to suit you.
That’s also why somebody else’s ‘perfect’ meditation routine might be completely wrong for you. The goal isn’t to make yourself fit meditation; it’s to understand the basic practice well enough that you can make meditation fit you.
How to Meditate: The Steps That Really Matter
Once you strip away all the little rules people tend to attach to meditation, the actual practice is pretty simple. These aren’t strict instructions you have to follow perfectly, just a few useful starting points to help you settle in and get going.
1. Find a spot that feels safe
You don’t need a mountain view or candlelit corner, just somewhere you’re unlikely to be interrupted for a few minutes. It could be a chair in the bedroom, a bench in the park, or even your car before work.
If having a familiar spot helps you settle, you can always create a simple personal meditation space, but don’t let the lack of one become another obstacle. And if your house is never completely quiet, that’s fine too. You can absolutely meditate in a noisy environment without waiting for perfect silence.
2. Get comfortable
Get yourself comfortable, whether that means sitting in a chair, settling onto the sofa, sitting cross-legged on the floor, or even lying down if that works better for you.
There’s no prize for being uncomfortable, and your posture doesn’t have to look like somebody else’s idea of meditation. One thing to keep in mind though – if lying down tends to knock you out within five minutes, there are a few simple ways to meditate without falling asleep without forcing yourself into an awkward position.
3. Choose something to pay attention to
Most people start with the breath because it’s simple and always available.
If you’re happy using it, just notice the natural rhythm of your breathing without trying to make it deeper, slower or more controlled. That’s one of the important differences between breathwork and meditation – here, you’re mostly observing the breath rather than deliberately changing it.
But if focusing on your breathing makes you tense, overly aware of every inhale, or you simply don’t enjoy it, choose something else. Sounds around you, sensations in your hands, the feeling of your feet on the floor, a mantra or the voice in a guided meditation can all work just as well as an anchor.
4. Notice when your mind wanders
At some point, probably very quickly, your mind will wander off. You’ll start replaying a conversation, planning dinner, remembering something embarrassing from ten years ago, or wondering how long you’ve got left.
That’s completely normal.
The moment you notice what’s happened, bring your attention back to whatever you chose to focus on. Then do the same thing the next time it wanders, and the next, and the next…
You don’t need to stop the distraction from happening, but just noticing it and returning is the practice.
5. Close gently
When you’re ready to stop, give yourself a few seconds before jumping back into whatever comes next. Notice how your body feels, what your mind is doing, and whether anything feels different.
Just keep in mind, a useful meditation session doesn’t always end with some obvious wave of calm, and sometimes the first signs meditation is working show up later, when you notice yourself reacting slightly differently to something that would normally get under your skin.
That’s all meditation really is: the repeated practice of coming back. Not to some special state, but to the moment you’re already in.
Sometimes it’s easier to understand meditation by actually doing it, so we’ve included a guided session below. Get yourself comfortable, press play, and let us guide you through it.
What’s Actually Happening When You Meditate
At first, meditation can feel like you’re sitting there doing absolutely nothing. It’s just you, a wandering mind, and perhaps a growing awareness of every tiny sound in the room.
But something useful is happening under the surface. Every time your attention wanders and you notice what’s happened, you’re practicing the ability to direct your attention and bring it back again. Do that repeatedly and you’re essentially giving your attention a workout, which is one reason regular meditation can make it easier to notice when your mind has wandered off elsewhere during everyday life.
There’s quite a bit of research into what meditation does to the brain and body. For instance, brain-imaging studies have found measurable patterns of activity associated with different kinds of meditation, while mindfulness-based practices have also been linked with improvements in things like stress, anxiety and sleep. If you’re interested in digging into it properly, we’ve looked at the research in much more detail in our guide to the science of mindfulness.
What you probably won’t notice is your brain rewiring itself while you sit there, or some dramatic moment where meditation suddenly clicks. In my experience, the changes tend to be much less exciting than that, yet much more useful. You might catch yourself before snapping at someone, realise you’ve been lost in the same thought for ten minutes, or notice that something which normally winds you up doesn’t quite have the same grip on you.
I’ve had plenty of sessions where I’ve finished meditating and thought, “Well, I don’t feel any different”. Then later that day I’ll notice I’ve let something go a little quicker than usual, or caught myself getting wound up before disappearing down the usual rabbit hole. Those small moments are much closer to how meditation seems to show up for me than some huge feeling of calm while I’m actually sitting there.
That’s why I think it makes more sense to judge meditation by what starts happening outside the meditation itself. The session might feel distracted, boring or completely unremarkable, and still be part of a practice that gradually changes the way you relate to your thoughts and attention.
The Main Types of Meditation (and Which Might Suit You)
Once you’ve got the basic idea of meditation, the next question is usually: which type should I actually try?
There isn’t really a best one, and you definitely don’t need to pick a style and stick with it forever. I think it makes more sense to start with whatever removes some of the friction for you. If sitting still makes you restless, try moving. If focusing on your breath just makes you hyper-aware of your breathing, give yourself something else to focus on. And if complete silence leaves far too much room for your thoughts to run riot, something more structured might work better.
Mindfulness Meditation
Mindfulness meditation is the foundation of most modern practice – learning to notice what’s happening, right now, without judging it.
You simply bring attention to your breath, sensations, sounds, or thoughts as they come and go. The goal isn’t to stop them, but to see them clearly – the itch, the boredom, the urge to move – and recognise that awareness itself never changes.
Mindfulness meditation strengthens focus, regulates emotional reactivity, and helps you notice how often you live on autopilot. Over time, it turns everyday moments – brushing your teeth, sipping coffee, walking to work – into places of calm attention.
Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta)
Also called Metta, this practice focuses on cultivating warmth and compassion – first toward yourself, then gradually toward others.
You silently repeat simple phrases such as “May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I be at ease”. And once that feeling takes root, you extend it outward – to a friend, a stranger, even someone difficult.
It’s a powerful antidote to resentment and self-criticism, and instead of forcing positivity, it softens the way you relate to your own inner dialogue. Regular practice has been shown to increase empathy and emotional resilience – the quiet kind that shows up in small, everyday moments of patience.
Mantra Meditation
With mantra meditation, you repeat a word, sound or short phrase, either silently or out loud, and use the repetition as your point of focus.
That might be a traditional mantra, or simply a word or phrase that feels meaningful to you. Each time the mind wanders, you just simply come back to the repetition.
This is one I’d consider if breath meditation leaves you feeling frustrated, as it can give the mind something much more obvious to hold onto, which can make the whole practice feel less vague.
Movement Meditation
Meditation doesn’t have to mean sitting still.
With movement meditation, you bring the same sort of attention to something your body is doing. Walking meditation is probably the clearest example: you notice your feet meeting the ground, your weight shifting, the movement of your legs and everything happening around you as you walk.
For someone who spends a seated meditation thinking I need to move, I need to move, I need to move, this can be a much easier way in. You’re not fighting the need for movement; you’re actually making it part of the meditation.
It’s also surprising how preferences shift as you grow in the practice… I used to find walking meditation extremely difficult when I first started, but in recent years it’s become my favourite style of practice! There’s nothing quite like a walk through the woods or along a quiet trail, with nowhere else to be and nothing to do except notice what’s happening around you.
Body Scan Meditation
A body scan meditation shifts attention through different parts of the body, noticing whatever sensations happen to be there without needing to change them.
You might notice warmth, pressure, tingling, tightness, or absolutely nothing particularly interesting at all. The point is simply to pay attention to whatever sensations (or lack of) are appearing in the body.
This can be particularly useful if you spend a lot of time caught up in your thoughts and barely notice what’s happening physically until your shoulders are somewhere around your ears. It can also work nicely before bed, although if lying-down meditation regularly sends you straight to sleep, that may or may not be exactly what you want.
Visualization Meditation
Visualization uses the mind’s natural tendency to imagine as a tool for calm or focus.
You might picture light spreading through the body, visualise a peaceful scene, or imagine an image using sounds, colours and physical sensations. The sensory vividness (sights, sounds, even imagined temperature) helps the mind settle by giving it something soothing to engage with.
And like every other style here, it won’t click for everyone. Some people find visualisation incredibly immersive, while others spend the whole session wondering whether they’re ‘seeing’ the scene clearly enough, and if that’s you, there’s no need to force it.
Each of these different meditation techniques is really just a different route into the same basic skill: paying attention, noticing when your mind wanders, and coming back.
So, Which Type of Meditation Should You Try?
By this point, you might have a rough idea of which style sounds most appealing, but I actually think there’s another way to choose, and that’s to start with whatever you currently find most difficult about meditation.
If sitting still makes you restless, don’t spend weeks trying to force yourself to enjoy sitting still – try walking meditation. If focusing on your breath makes you strangely conscious of every inhale and exhale, use a mantra, sounds around you or a body scan meditation instead. If silence gives your brain far too much room to disappear down rabbit holes, a guided meditation might give you a little more structure to work with.
And if you’re not sure where to start, this is the rough guide I’d use:
If you struggle to sit still: try walking or another form of movement meditation.
If the breath makes you uncomfortable or overly self-conscious: try a mantra, sound or another physical sensation as your anchor.
If your mind runs riot in silence: try guided meditation or mantra meditation.
If you spend most of the day stuck in your head: try a body scan or walking meditation, where there’s more physical sensation to notice.
If you’re constantly criticising yourself during meditation: loving-kindness can give the mind a very different direction in which to practice.
If you keep falling asleep: sit somewhere more upright, open your eyes slightly, or try meditating earlier in the day.
If noise keeps ruining your sessions: rather than fighting every sound, experiment with letting some of that noise become part of the practice.
None of those are hard rules, obviously. They’re just starting points. You might discover that the style you expected to hate becomes your favourite, or that something you loved six months ago doesn’t really work for you anymore. My own experience with walking meditation is a perfect example of that.
There’s also no reason you have to settle on one technique. I’ll happily use different styles depending on the day, and I think that’s much more useful than deciding you’re a “mindfulness meditator” or a “mantra person” and sticking with it regardless of what you actually need.
If you’re torn between having someone guide you through the practice and doing it alone, our guide to guided vs unguided meditation goes into the pros and cons of both. The important thing here is simply to experiment. Meditation should be adaptable enough to work with you, rather than becoming another thing you feel you have to do in exactly the right way.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should I meditate each day?
Start small. Two or three minutes is enough to begin – long enough to notice your breath and short enough that you’ll actually do it. As it becomes easier, stretch it to ten or fifteen minutes. The key isn’t duration; it’s repetition. Regular, short sessions will always beat the occasional marathon sit.
We’ve looked at this in much more detail in our guide to how long you should meditate.
Do I need to meditate every day?
No.
Meditating regularly certainly makes it easier for the practice to become familiar, but missing a day doesn’t undo anything. If you want to practice daily, start small and make it easy to fit into your life rather than turning it into another chore. Our guide to starting a daily meditation habit has some practical ideas for doing exactly that.
Can I meditate with my eyes open?
Absolutely. Closing your eyes can make it easier to shut out visual distractions, but it isn’t a requirement. You can keep them slightly open and let your gaze rest loosely on the floor or something in front of you. If closing your eyes feels uncomfortable, distracting or simply makes you want to fall asleep, leave them open.
What if I can’t stop thinking?
Then you’re meditating perfectly. The mind’s job is to think; yours is to notice when it’s wandered and gently come back. That moment of returning is meditation – not the absence of thought, but the awareness of it.
What if meditation makes me feel worse instead of better?
Don’t assume you need to push through it just because meditation is supposed to be good for you. Sometimes changing the technique, shortening the session, keeping your eyes open or using an external anchor such as sound can make the practice feel completely different.
And if meditation consistently leaves you feeling significantly more anxious, distressed or uncomfortable, it’s perfectly reasonable to stop. Meditation isn’t automatically the right practice for every person in every situation, and we talk about that in much more detail in Is Meditation Safe for Everyone?
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I’d like you to take away from this guide, it’s that learning how to meditate ‘properly’ involves far less than most of us think it does when we first start.
You don’t need the perfect posture, a completely quiet room, a particular way of breathing, or even the ability to sit there without getting distracted. You need something to pay attention to, enough awareness to notice when your mind has wandered, and a willingness to come back when it does. Most of the rest can be adapted.
And that’s probably the part I wish I’d understood sooner. I spent far too much time worrying about whether I looked, breathed or concentrated like someone who knew how to meditate, when really I just needed to stop treating it like something I could pass or fail.
Try different styles. Change things that aren’t working. Sit in a chair. Keep your eyes open. Use a guided meditation one day and go for a mindful walk the next. The practice is allowed to look different from one person to another, and even from one day to the next.
And if you’re wondering what all of this might actually start changing over time, we’ve also looked at the real benefits of regular meditation, including the smaller everyday changes that are often much easier to notice than some dramatic feeling of becoming ‘good’ at meditation.
